From my point of view, courtship is all about attraction. There's no arguing that when two people meet and experience it, it is a powerful force to be reckoned with. The problem I see is that too many people think of attraction as a simple chemical reaction. Even though I'm sure it does have something to do with chemical reactions it is ridiculous to assume that it is wholly dependent on science. There's something more there. It's our interactions that build this attraction. As much as I hate to refer to it, it all has to do with the situation of discourse.
I once read that men and women feel attraction in very different ways. It was explained that men will almost immediately feel attraction for someone, whereas women will feel a little attraction but it needs to be grown. To put it simply, men are like light switches: on or off; women are like light dials: you can get any intensity from turning the dial. This presents an interesting situation when studying the situation of discourse in courtship. It seems like it sheds light (pardon the corny joke) on the rhetoric of De Rougemont. He explains this phenomena of men who are always pursuing unrequited love. Perhaps this is the reason behind all of that.
In any case, I have found this corollary to be true in my experiences with the opposite sex. In many instances, I've received a flirtatious glance and not returned one in kind. In those situations--after a certain amount of consideration--when I try to start up the flirting again, it falls on dead ears. Other times when I just follow my libido into the situation (i.e. when I'm inebriated) I usually find myself on the fast track to a great night. Maybe I could glean some self help advice from my own analysis?
Now take in mind that I'm not trying to make sweeping generalizations and by no means think that all women respond the same. I'm merely suggesting that understanding this, which I feel is fundamental to the rhetorical situation of courtship, will help to explain many situations to an otherwise clueless male audience. I know it helped me.
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I agree that courtship is about attraction because if there is no initial attraction then there is nothing to bring two people together in the first place. I am curious where you heard about the different attraction between men and women. I agree, being a woman, that it does take me awhile to really start to like a guy, and chances are the more nice things he does for me, the more I think that he really cares about me, the more I am attracted to him. If a man is willing to waste his time (hopefully he doesn’t think he is wasting his time) to get to know me better, and see me for who I really am. For example, if he sticks around to see me when I wake up in the morning with no makeup and circles under my eyes and he still likes me then he is worth keeping. I asked my two roommates and they also agree that if they think a guy is not “pursuing” them, then chances are the guy is not worth their time.
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